Rebel

I am in the habit of or at least I used to be of visiting the graves of those that have passed on and talking to them telling them what has been happening. Today I had the opportunity to do it again. As most are aware of my cousin passed away in November. I miss her terribly and today I went to her grave I wanted to see the stone that was not there at her funereal and I was not sure what I would do when I got there but, I cried a lot like when it first happened and I realize how much she meant to me and how much I miss her. she was my friend and someone I could laugh with someone I could cry to and know she would listen. In turn I did the same for her. I can not help but feel like maybe I could have done something to save her. and the over whelming sense of guilt is not something I can shake. next week is her birthday and I will be going again to see her grave and putting flowers on it and sending up a balloon to her in Heaven with all my love. letting go is hard and I am not so sure I am ready to do that just yet but, maybe one day I will. I know she is in a better place and she is not in pain for that I am thankful. My life has been better for having her in it and I will never forget my Rebel cousin Becky.